USF Football: THE PAT JULMISTE HEISMAN CAMPAIGN

[Wufpack]

(this wont effect SJCC. Its basically a joke.)

THE EVENTS: The president of USF fired Coach Leavitt after his shitty usage of all-star QB Pat Julmiste. He hired Wufpack Indahouse instead, who believes in advertising Julmiste everywhere he goes, and run the 5-wide spread offense to boost up his stats. Josh Julmiste, his younger brother, will be star of the defense

This will be 5 minute quarters default on JV. Yeah, I know, I went there.

[WhoUTestin]

LOL Well after this season you can change it to Courtney Denson For Heisman playing on JV. Yeah I feel bad because we let Denson go.

[Wufpack]

Halftime of USF at PSU

44-10 in favor of USF

Julmiste's Awesome Stats!

6-7 159 yd 3 TD passing
3 car 40 yd 1 TD rushing
1 catch 9 yards receiving

He hasnt been able to rack up too much because they're on the field so shortly. USF's average position has been like the PSU 35. Of course, if it was on longer quarters, then maybe more yards....meh.

[Wufpack]

USF at Penn State

80-10 USF

Pat Julmiste's Stats
11-14 329 yards 5 tds passing
5 car 64 yards 2 tds rushing
1 catch 9 yards receiving
QB Rating: 393.8

Pat's only threat to the heisman....
HB #2 Andre Hall
10 car 244 yards, 24.3 yards a carry
His hero: David Horne

Next: Julmiste's Postgame comments

[Madcat]

What a chump! He missed on three passes. He's got to do better than that if he wants to win the Heisman.

[Wufpack]

What a chump! He missed on three passes. He's got to do better than that if he wants to win the Heisman.

Dont worry, Coach Indahouse roughed him up after the game. He only got to do 10 girls.

[Wufpack]

Mr. Julmiste's Postgame Comments

On the Penn State defense: "Dumb crackas"

On the Penn State offense: "Unproductive crackas"

On the Penn State crowd: "Happeh Valleh? Not when I gotz done wit dere asses"

On the Penn State introduction music: "Cracka gramma"

On being named the NCAA Offensive Player of the Week "Meh. Couldza dun betta. Coach Wuf only let meh bang ten girlz t'nite. Assho' cracka."

On not placing in the Heisman Top 5 yet: "Dem niggaz cant recognize talent when dey see it. I da fewcha. I da fewcha. Nigga got played by crackas."

On his excessive use of the word "cracker":: You fuckin' reportahs. All you crackas cant beat me.

On whether he thinks USC will go undefeated again: "Nah son. Leinart aint got shit on a bruddha. If it aint me winnin' da Heiz, dat mothafucka Corey Bramlet betta lead da charge. Dat whitie is straight up niggerish man. Chocolate cracka."

On whether or not Florida A&M will keep USF close: "I dunno man. Its a black skoo. Niggaz on da wylde."

On his excessive use of the word "nigger": "I gotz mah reasonz. And bah reasonz, I mean im black, fuckas. Im a nigga, so I can say nigga. Bitchass crackas."

On getting a C on his English test: "Man, fuck Professa Hedsby! I aced dat shit! Phonyass cracka."


This has been a postgame wrap-up with Pat Julmiste, undisputed king of USF.

[Wufpack]

Pat Julmiste meets...Horace?

It was a gloomy day in South Florida. The rain clouds were in and it started to drizzle. The drizzling became a mild shower. The mild shower, became a damn big shower. And where was Pat Julmiste in this mist? In the rain, with an umbrella over his head. It was pink too. Well Pat was going to pick up a friend of his named Rasta Maan, former head coach of Furman. Illegal allegations lead to some assault where Furman couldnt compete at the 1-A level, some drug rings. Pat looked past all that, or looked into that. I can't remember. Well Mr. Julmiste was going to pick up Maan, when a man came across his path. Apparently he was waiting for a bus to TAKE him to the airport, so the two conversed.

Horace: Ah hello dude. My name is Horace B. Jackson, assistant coach of Sebastian Janikowski Community College.

Pat: Sup sucka! Im Pat Julmiste, quartaback uh duh Bulls.

Horace: Oh I've heard a lot about you! Mark May cant stop talking about you on ESPN...

Pat: Realley? Dats dope.

Horace: Well, not really. He says you're a product of Coach Indahouse's system, and anybody could have success with such a mediocre quarterback.

Pat: Ah shooot! Nigga please! I make dat damn team! Indahouse aint nothin' but a white cracka who exploits meh!

Horace: Uh huh...well, here's the bus. See ya later Pat!

Pat: FUCK YOU BITCH!

Getting off the bus was Mr. Maan, with dreadlocks and all.

Horace: Ah, Mr. Maan, nice to see you all cracked out.

Rasta: Dont mention mon. Ah Pat! Julmoist!

Pat: Yo Uncle Rasta, waas sappening?

Horace gets on the bus, Rasta and Pat continue conversation and leave.